Reminder: It’s okay to say no.

As somebody who find’s it hard to say no, it is difficult for me to put aside me own needs. Mainly, because I feel the need to constantly please others and not let them down. This is something I have struggled with for a long time, and to be honest, I still do. We often put our own needs and wants on the back-burner, because we want to help those we love and not let anyone down. This can be true for work, friendships and relationships, or all of the above.

For example, you might not want to go to a party you were invited to. You would much rather stay in and chill out after a busy week, make some microwave popcorn and watch Grey’s Anatomy.

However, you feel obliged to go to the party because you have no valid “excuse”, for lack of a better word. You know what, maybe you need some time to yourself, and that my friend, is okay. You can’t say yes to everything. Even more importantly, you do not have to.

I must admit, I need to take my own advice on that one!

This is where self-compassion comes in. We must understand that we can not do everything and we have the right to pick and choose where our time and energy goes. Especially when you suffer with anxiety, depression or any mental health issues. It can be hard to do certain things, but you have to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself honestly, “Will this benefit me?” or “Will this bring me joy?”. If the answer is yes, be resilient and don’t let anxiety stop you. Grab life by the balls and get out there, have fun! If the answer is no, politely decline. It won’t be the end of the world.

Setting healthy boundaries like this will only increase your self-esteem and contribute to your self-respect. I know that saying “no” can be uncomfortable, but sometimes it is necessary. If like me, you are a self-confessed people pleaser, you know that it is important to practice the act of saying “no”, when something is not a priority or if it is something you feel uncomfortable doing.

We often fear saying “no” to people because we fear confrontation, rejection or feel guilt.

Comparatively, it is important to think about what will happen if we only say “yes” all of the time:

  • We become doormat’s and enablers by being overly-available.
  • We get taken for granted.
  • We lose focus.
  • We lose sight of what is important to us in order to please others.
  • We use up our time doing what others want and not what we want.
  • We lack self-compassion, favoring other peoples needs/wants over our own.

Your time and energy is precious, you deserve to decide how and when you use it.

  • It’s okay to say no if something doesn’t interest or motivate you, no matter how cool it sounds to someone else. If an opportunity doesn’t light you up, then let it go.
  • It’s okay to say no if you don’t have time to do something for someone else. You will have other opportunities to help them when you are able to. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
  • It’s okay to not have an “excuse” or “valid reason” to say no. You don’t need one.

Also, for healthy measure, it is okay to say “yes!” to things you do want to do. Don’t hold yourself back if something makes you happy, brings you joy or excitement, go for it! 😀

Set boundaries. Practice self-care. Practice saying “no” when you need to.


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