Tag Archives: Self Care

Reminder: It’s okay to say no.

As somebody who find’s it hard to say no, it is difficult for me to put aside me own needs. Mainly, because I feel the need to constantly please others and not let them down. This is something I have struggled with for a long time, and to be honest, I still do. We often put our own needs and wants on the back-burner, because we want to help those we love and not let anyone down. This can be true for work, friendships and relationships, or all of the above.

For example, you might not want to go to a party you were invited to. You would much rather stay in and chill out after a busy week, make some microwave popcorn and watch Grey’s Anatomy.

However, you feel obliged to go to the party because you have no valid “excuse”, for lack of a better word. You know what, maybe you need some time to yourself, and that my friend, is okay. You can’t say yes to everything. Even more importantly, you do not have to.

I must admit, I need to take my own advice on that one!

This is where self-compassion comes in. We must understand that we can not do everything and we have the right to pick and choose where our time and energy goes. Especially when you suffer with anxiety, depression or any mental health issues. It can be hard to do certain things, but you have to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself honestly, “Will this benefit me?” or “Will this bring me joy?”.¬†If the answer is yes, be resilient and don’t let anxiety stop you. Grab life by the balls and get out there, have fun! If the answer is no, politely decline. It won’t be the end of the world.

Setting healthy boundaries like this will only increase your self-esteem and contribute to your self-respect. I know that saying “no” can be uncomfortable, but sometimes it is necessary. If like me, you are a self-confessed people pleaser, you know that it is important to practice the act of saying “no”, when something is not a priority or if it is something you feel uncomfortable doing.

We often fear saying “no” to people because we fear confrontation, rejection or feel guilt.

Comparatively, it is important to think about what will happen if we only say “yes” all of the time:

  • We become doormat’s and enablers by being overly-available.
  • We get taken for granted.
  • We lose focus.
  • We lose sight of what is important to us in order to please others.
  • We use up our time doing what others want and not what we want.
  • We lack self-compassion, favoring other peoples needs/wants over our own.

Your time and energy is precious, you deserve to decide how and when you use it.

  • It’s okay to say no if something doesn’t interest or motivate you, no matter how cool it sounds to someone else. If an opportunity doesn’t light you up, then let it go.
  • It’s okay to say no if you don’t have time to do something for someone else. You will have other opportunities to help them when you are able to. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
  • It’s okay to not have an “excuse” or “valid reason” to say no. You don’t need one.

Also, for healthy measure, it is okay to say “yes!” to things you do want to do. Don’t hold yourself back if something makes you happy, brings you joy or excitement, go for it! ūüėÄ

Set boundaries. Practice self-care. Practice saying “no”¬†when you need to.

 

Erika Jayne is helping me to discover my inner goddess!

I’m not sure if you know this about me but, I really enjoy¬†reality television.

One of my favourite reality TV stars is Erika Girardi AKA Erika Jayne. Who features on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. At first glance, people are usually too quick to judge Erika. Lumping her in with other reality stars and assuming she has nothing of interest to say.

They couldn’t be more wrong.

Erika Jayne is the fabulous alter-ego and stage persona of¬†Erika Girardi. She’s a Mom, a singer and a all-round entertainer, who exudes confidence and a youthful playfulness. Erika acknowledges that as people, we are layered, we are many different things, to ourselves and others, all at once.

In a recent interview with Nylon, she stated, “No one is one way all the time. No one is buttoned up all the time and no one is wild all the time. There are different parts to your personality, different layers – and that’s really what Erika Jayne is, another layer to a human being.”

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Source: Nylon

Watching Erika on RHOBH has made me realize how¬†important it is first and foremost, to be true to ourselves and secondly, to live a¬†unapologetically authentic life. What I love about Erika, is that she doesn’t give a sh*t what other people think about her. This is made very clear in her popular, hit single¬†How Many F**ks?¬†and in her take-no-crap attitude.

I think it’s clear by now, that Erika Jayne represents something for me. She represents the¬†opportunity to embrace self-love, instead of running away from it in fear of coming across as vain. She once said¬†“I want to represent freedom; the courage to be yourself and to know you are perfect just the way you were meant to be.”¬†Self-love is defined as regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. I think Erika sets a precedent for importance of feeling good about oneself, standing up for yourself and becoming the best version of you that you can be.

It might sound somewhat superficial, but when I listen to Erika’s music I often imagine myself being the most confident me I can be. I imagine myself in full-glam, wearing something fabulous and feeling great. The type of music that makes you feel confident and sexy, is referred to as mood music. It makes you feel something, it creates an experience, not unlike positive self-talk or developing a confidence habit.

I often use her music and the music of other, similar artists, to do this. I look at it the same way I look at my other self-care practices, such as yoga or meditation. It creates a mind/body connection and it helps me see myself in a more positive light. It allows me to understand that I can evoke the same feeling about myself at anytime, if need or want to.

This is not to say that Erika or I think that self-confidence should only come from what we see on the outside, quite the¬†contrary. It’s incredibly important to work on how you feel on the inside.¬†However, I do think that the two can go hand-in-hand sometimes. I think the author Roald Dahl said it best when he said¬†‚ÄúIf you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.‚Ä̬†

If by any chance Erika Jayne ever happens to read this, I would like to say…

YASSS KWEEN, I LOVE YOU! SLAYYYYYYYYY!

And also, thank you. Thank you for helping me explore my own inner Erika Jayne.

It’s liberating!

Check out Erika Jayne on Instagram, YouTube & Twitter.

XO

How I practice self care.

Living in this modern day world can be tough. We are constantly bombarded with news, advertisements and many other anxiety inducing stimuli that has become apart of our daily lives.

Something I have learned over the years, is that if you don’t deal with stress, it will present itself in other ways to you, unless you take action and deal with it. E.g. headaches, mood swings etc.

Sometimes we forget to slow down and be in the moment, to be nice to ourselves. Practicing self-care is so important, people underestimate the benefits of a little bit of TLC and some self love.

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To begin, I mindfully stop and ask myself, “what do I need right now?”. By checking in with myself and asking simple questions about what I need and if I am neglecting a part of myself, I can take simple¬†steps to show myself a little compassion.¬†Here are five simple ways I practice self care..

Reading a good book.

Mindfully sitting down in a comfy spot and reading a good book, is one of life’s simple pleasures. I love burning some essential oil and making a hot cup of tea, before I curl up on the couch to read the book of my choice. There is something about holding a book that brings me immense joy. It’s especially calming when it is raining out side and you can see & hear the rain drops falling. Bliss.

Being out in nature.

When I am feeling overwhelmed or stressed, I find it very helpful to get out in nature and breath in some fresh air. Nature is very healing, getting outside for a while can really help you clear your head. I always feel better after taking a long walk on my own. I will often listen to one of my favourite podcasts (The Minimalists Podcast & RuPaul Podcast) to help me let go of the day thus far. Or, I will walk in silence and really focus on filling my lungs with beautiful, cleansing air.

Meditation.

Meditation is something I have dabbled with for a few years now. I used to use it to help me drift off to sleep at night (I still do sometimes!) but I have been making it apart of my daily routine lately. I usually take five minutes to focus on my breathing and calm the thinking mind. Which, isn’t always easy as someone who suffers from anxiety and is a self confessed over-thinker.

By doing this short, daily practice, I have found a way to slow down. Meditating has helped me to become more mindful, present and aware. If I feel stressed out or anxious, I take the time to breath and focus on the present moment. This helps me to stop worrying so much, to stop looking too far ahead into the future at the billion possibilities or events that may never happen.

Yoga & Stretching.

I practice Yoga every single day. Even if I only do a few poses before bed, I am much happier for it! Yoga helps me wind down and de-stress my body by releasing tension from my muscles. I usually use videos from the Yoga with Adriene channel as a guide. Her chill personality and funny jokes, always make me feel so much better and reminds me not to take myself so seriously.

Going to see a film.

As a film fanatic, I love going to see new releases and losing myself in a cinematic performance. I love experiencing a film with a friend or loved one, munching on popcorn and having a great time. Sometimes it is good to switch off from reality for a brief while and get out of your own head.

And there you have it! My five favourite ways to practice self-care! What are yours?

Tweet me @EllieJayden or contact me on facebook to share tips and ideas!

XO