Tag Archives: Self Confidence

Humiliated on Pearse Street.

I’ve had a really good week. I went to some interesting live shows, spent time with loved ones, viewed some beautiful modern art, had dinner with a good friend and generally, felt rather happy. That is, until I let the words of a stranger affect me. It’s funny, isn’t it? How we let people get to us.

The sun was shining, it was sixteen degree’s in Dublin city and I had just ate a lovely breakfast at The Woolen Mill. A friend and I were walking down Pearse street, minding our own business, when three guys approached us. One of the guys stepped forward in front of us, he looked quite intimidating and to be honest, he looked rough. He pointed a finger at my friend and exclaimed “You, yeah. I would”, and then he pointed towards me, “You, not so much”. His act of comic genius sent his friends into a uproar of laughter, relishing in the sheer confidence their friend had, to walk up to two girls on the street, and rate them like cattle.

It all happened within seconds, but it was astonishing how slow time felt when it was occurring. Once the group of guys walked past us, both my friend and I stood there in shock. Not sure what to say to one another. Why would some one do that? What’s the payoff?

To be quite honest, I was hurt and humiliated by the experience.

We kept walking towards our destination in Temple Bar, and more the I thought about the situation, the more angry I felt. Why did I care? Why did it bother me? I was annoyed at myself for being annoyed by it! To be frank, I wouldn’t have sex with that guy if he was the last guy on earth and the human race depended on it. I didn’t think he was remotely attractive. So, why did I care that he thought I wasn’t attractive either? It really irked me.

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It pains me to admit this, but I cried out of pure frustration. Why didn’t I snipe back with a witty comeback to humiliate his intelligence, or lack there of. Also, I kept thinking, how many other girls had he done this to today? Or, ever? He had humiliated my friend and I. Were there other girls who were walking the streets of Dublin, eyes welling up with tears over the words of a stranger? It upset me to ponder that thought.

My self esteem has never been fantastic and this sure didn’t helped.

Thankfully, through out the day, I was able to move on with my life and not worry so much about what this random person thought of my appearance. I thought about my own self worth, and how it is not defined by the opinions of others. All that really matters, is what I think about myself. At the end of the day, I feel sorry for that guy, because he clearly doesn’t exert the qualities most people find attractive. And, while I may be no oil painting, I am a good person, who doesn’t gain joy from humiliating other people in public.

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After the entire ordeal, my friend Elaine, spoke to me about her experiences with similar situations and we chatted about a project she produced for college, that was based on the topic of harassment. We both came to the conclusion that it is important to call out this type of behavior. I thought about all the men in my life and how they would never do something like that to two women, walking down the street. And, if anyone I knew ever did such a thing, I would tell them they were being complete assholes. It’s usually pack-mentality that gives people the gall to do something like this, they get high off the thrill of doing something extreme in front of their friends, in order to impress them.

Newsflash! No one thinks you’re cool. 

It’s not a badge of honor to humiliate someone successfully. In fact, it makes you look like a terrible person. I truly do not understand why anyone would want to do something like that to another human being. The guy who did that to my friend and I, has probably long forgotten about this occurrence, while it still lingers in my mind days later. Which is the reason I am writing this blog post, to express how I feel about the entire scenario, in order to let it go fully. If one person reads this and decides against doing something like this in the future because of it, or decides to call out a friend for doing something similar, then it’s worth it for me to post this.

 

Erika Jayne is helping me to discover my inner goddess!

I’m not sure if you know this about me but, I really enjoy reality television.

One of my favourite reality TV stars is Erika Girardi AKA Erika Jayne. Who features on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. At first glance, people are usually too quick to judge Erika. Lumping her in with other reality stars and assuming she has nothing of interest to say.

They couldn’t be more wrong.

Erika Jayne is the fabulous alter-ego and stage persona of Erika Girardi. She’s a Mom, a singer and a all-round entertainer, who exudes confidence and a youthful playfulness. Erika acknowledges that as people, we are layered, we are many different things, to ourselves and others, all at once.

In a recent interview with Nylon, she stated, “No one is one way all the time. No one is buttoned up all the time and no one is wild all the time. There are different parts to your personality, different layers – and that’s really what Erika Jayne is, another layer to a human being.”

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Source: Nylon

Watching Erika on RHOBH has made me realize how important it is first and foremost, to be true to ourselves and secondly, to live a unapologetically authentic life. What I love about Erika, is that she doesn’t give a sh*t what other people think about her. This is made very clear in her popular, hit single How Many F**ks? and in her take-no-crap attitude.

I think it’s clear by now, that Erika Jayne represents something for me. She represents the opportunity to embrace self-love, instead of running away from it in fear of coming across as vain. She once said “I want to represent freedom; the courage to be yourself and to know you are perfect just the way you were meant to be.” Self-love is defined as regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. I think Erika sets a precedent for importance of feeling good about oneself, standing up for yourself and becoming the best version of you that you can be.

It might sound somewhat superficial, but when I listen to Erika’s music I often imagine myself being the most confident me I can be. I imagine myself in full-glam, wearing something fabulous and feeling great. The type of music that makes you feel confident and sexy, is referred to as mood music. It makes you feel something, it creates an experience, not unlike positive self-talk or developing a confidence habit.

I often use her music and the music of other, similar artists, to do this. I look at it the same way I look at my other self-care practices, such as yoga or meditation. It creates a mind/body connection and it helps me see myself in a more positive light. It allows me to understand that I can evoke the same feeling about myself at anytime, if need or want to.

This is not to say that Erika or I think that self-confidence should only come from what we see on the outside, quite the contrary. It’s incredibly important to work on how you feel on the inside. However, I do think that the two can go hand-in-hand sometimes. I think the author Roald Dahl said it best when he said “If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” 

If by any chance Erika Jayne ever happens to read this, I would like to say…

YASSS KWEEN, I LOVE YOU! SLAYYYYYYYYY!

And also, thank you. Thank you for helping me explore my own inner Erika Jayne.

It’s liberating!

Check out Erika Jayne on Instagram, YouTube & Twitter.

XO

How cosplaying as Harley Quinn has changed my life.

Feeling like a freak is never easy. You feel incredibly out of touch with other people, it makes you think that no matter what you do or say, people are judging you or laughing at you. You never quite feel like you blend in right in social situations, it’s awkward. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Being odd is like having spinach stuck in your teeth, you’re aware of it and so is everyone else.

I have always felt different from others but doesn’t everybody? We all feel disconnected from each other sometimes, so when we find a common interest or passion, it allows us to click with each other on another level. That is what cosplaying does for me, it allows me to be creative.

My first ever cosplay was dressing up as my favorite comic book character, Harley Quinn.

I remember walking down to the lobby of the hotel room I was staying in, to join a group of friends who I was cosplaying with at a convention that evening, we were dressed as Batman villains. My heart was racing and it took me all the courage in the world to leave my hotel room in full costume. It was terrifying, nauseating and ridiculously liberating all at once! There really is something incredibly strange about being in costume when it’s not Halloween. It’s odd!

Once I got over the feeling of being stared at by strangers and having a few old people laugh at me in the elevator, I was on a high! I got loads of compliments on my costume and a few people took pictures with me, it was such a confidence boost. Since then I have cosplayed as Harley Quinn many times, sometimes I dress up as her just for kicks, even when I am not at a convention.

I understand that may sound very strange to anyone who doesn’t understand cosplaying but it’s so much fun! I don’t think people do enough of what makes them happy sometimes, in fear that others might think it’s weird or unconventional. If something brings you joy, you have to indulge in that passion, not matter what others think. After all, life is for living & you only live once!

In a previous blog post I explained my thoughts on Harley Quinn as a character but her character means more to me than just being someone fun to dress up as. I relate to her personally and I find her to be very enchanting. Cosplaying as Harley has given me more confidence in myself, by allowing me to not take everything so seriously. You’re never too old to have fun cosplaying!

Cosplaying has been a major part of my life for about two years now. I don’t get to cosplay as often as I would like but there’s something to be said about planning a future cosplay. It gets my creative juices flowing and makes me excited to share my costume with other fans.

People may laugh at me for dressing up as a comic book characters in my spare time but the way I see it, who cares? I have a blast! I get to chat with other people who share a common interest and let loose for the day. I find cosplaying to be stress-reliving and a way to build my self esteem.

Any time I explain to someone that I like to dress up as comic book characters and go to conventions, I am met with raised eyebrows or suppressed laughter. It doesn’t even bother me because I know that those people probably care too much about what others think about them, to ever enjoy something so authentically. Cosplaying and Sci-Fi Conventions have allowed me to meet some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I’ve made life long friends and memories that will stick with me forever. It’s been a blessing in my life & I’m so thankful for it.

For a long time I felt like I didn’t have a creative outlet that allowed me to express myself and once I found cosplaying, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. This was the perfect way for me to combine my love for fashion and geeky stuff together! It was perfect for me, I could piece together an outfit and feel creatively satisfied at the beginning, middle & end of the process.

Harley Quinn is a huge part of my life and truly has changed my life for the better.

To quote Bertrand Russel, ‘Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.’ Don’t be afraid to try something outside of the box, you might just enjoy it!